I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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