I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
