Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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