I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
