At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
