ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
