Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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