im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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