Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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