Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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