Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
