The maid of honor just puked.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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