You can't motorboat a personality
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
