marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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