before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
