I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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