You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
