I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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