It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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