She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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