Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
