you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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