so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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