i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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