I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
