Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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