listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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