If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
