Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
