I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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