I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
