Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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