if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
