I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
