This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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