cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
