My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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