tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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