i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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