I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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