You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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