So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
