Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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