Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
