Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
