yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Randomize
