if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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