I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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