Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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