What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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