Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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