So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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