So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
