I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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