please come you make the beer taste better
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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