Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
