TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
